


No Care

by blackkitty9



Category: Oxenfree
Genre: AKA if alex gave in, F/F, I Don't Even Know, I love me some angst, Jonas is a Good Bro, sorry folks, timestream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-01-22 03:39:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12472632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkitty9/pseuds/blackkitty9
Summary: No CareNo feelingNo doubtShe chose thisand she will repeat. forever. and ever. Amen.





	1. I don't Care Anymore

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CatherineEmbrace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatherineEmbrace/gifts).
  * Inspired by [once more with feeling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530842) by [sarsaparillia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarsaparillia/pseuds/sarsaparillia). 
  * Inspired by [once more with feeling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530842) by [sarsaparillia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarsaparillia/pseuds/sarsaparillia). 
  * Inspired by [once more with feeling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6530842) by [sarsaparillia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarsaparillia/pseuds/sarsaparillia). 



> For CatherineEmbrace. because somehow she is able to sustain a long and drawn out fic far more than i can. 
> 
> and because she doesn't know this fandom. 
> 
> also, song i listened to is No Care, by Daughter. if anyone's listening. 
> 
> so. 
> 
> enjoy that.

Alex had had enough. Fuck the timestream. Fuck them all. Fuck the ghosts. She wanted none of it. She had Clarissa, no not clarissa, but someone who held her broken and morphed appearance. they stood before her. Clarissa and Not Clarissa. a puppet. a shell. 

 

“Stop.”

 

“Why should we?”

 

“I’m not playing anymore. I’m not remembering. I give up.”

 

“...so we take you then?”

 

“Yes. fine. I don’t care. Take me. Take her, take all of us. We’ll vanish. All in one night.”

 

The Clarissa that isn’t Clarissa smiles but it’s not her smile and it’s broken. All it takes is one light, one flash. Indeed, they vanish, all in one night. 

 

She’s in. in  _ there _ . With everyone. And this time she  _ sees _ . 

 

She can see Clarissa, scared, the first time she’s ever seen her that way.

She sees Nora and Ren’s tired and crying and tear-stained faces as they clutch at each other, bodies bending awkwardly like they shouldn't have been bending at all.

And Jonas. Staring at her with a look of horror, disgust and resentment. Hate. of course he would hate her, her choice.

 

Good. she didn’t ask them to like her. 

 

She sees Maggie, and Anna, and the Kanaloa crew.

 

So many...so...so many. the children of the dead, playing games, as little boys kiss the cheeks of little girls.

 

The radio is still in her pocket. But now, it is finally silent. 

 

The air looks...like they’re standing...in an aurora. 

 

It’s insane, and intense. 

 

She flicks through the radio. And hears the  _ others _ . Past alex. All of the past Alex’s who never chose this path. 

 

It’s an eternal pain. 

 

And she understands now. 

She takes a breath and speaks through the radio

 

And everyone breaks apart. 

 

All at once. It’s light and sound and a nuclear explosion. 

 

And she’s back. At the end of that night. 

 

Standing beside...corpses. 

 

She, Jonas, Clarissa, Ren, Nora. 

 

They stand among corpses. 

 

Clarissa is vomiting in the bushes

Ren and Nora are crying

And Jonas places a small hand in hers.

 

And finally, she feels free. 

  
  



	2. And I Felt Like a Bad Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There has only been one time where we fucked  
> and i felt like a bad memory  
> like my spine was a reminder of her  
> and you said you felt sick  
> but my mouth felt like choking on broken glass so i just slept it off  
> you see, my mouth felt like it could talk the end of us so i just slept it off
> 
> also my morse code translater is: https://morsecode.scphillips.com/translator.html

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also known as Alex and Clarissa trapped in the time stream
> 
> also known as two alex's
> 
> also known as who the fuck is Alexandra

She wasn't right. 

 

the clarissa inside the timestream was always afraid, for eternity. 

 

Alex had bargained with the girl built wrong, and Alex had paid the price. 

 

Radio in hand. she had chosen to become one. 

 

the ghosts wanted her to play, forever and ever. 

 

so she chose to become a ghost.

 

turns out the time gap is dark. the darkest colour, but the absence of any. 

 

there is a rip, like undoing the stuffing on a teddybear. through it, she can see the alex who escaped. not her. 

 

she sits. there is a hand at her shoulder. 

 

"Hey Clarissa."

 

"Hey."

 

"though, you're not Clarissa."

 

"not really." the Clarissa that is not Clarissa sits down besides her gently.

 

Alex remembers in clearly. Clarissa but not Clarissa on the lamppost. how easy it could be to catch her. falling for an eternity. 

 

                                                                              

* * *

 

 

the Clarissa that is not Clarissa swings her legs, back and forth. atop a lamp post.

 

"I'm tired." Alex begins, sitting under the lamppost

 

"aren't we all, dear child? but we must keep playing. boundless energy."

 

"not for me."

 

"no...not for you."

 

a pause, Alex tilts her chin to sky, there are no stars anymore. the first time, there were stars. with every reset one of them vanished, until now there are none. she knows. she remembers. 

 

"you loved him. Jooooonas~" 

 

"don't. I don't. I did, not anymore."

 

"so. who is it? which one? do you want Michael? do you want to love him? or do you want to love Jonas?"

 

"ugh. you make it sound gross."

 

"don't we always? come on. choose. you know the next part is easy."

 

"yeah. fine. give me the step-brother this time. i don't care."

 

the clarissa that is not Clarissa laughs, falls, but doesn't dissapear. she hits the ground with a thud, and the Clarissa suddenly  _is_ Clarissa. and Alex is screaming at the blood pouring from the wound. 

 

_[.-. . ...- . .-. ... . .-.-.- / .--. .- ..- ... . .-.-.- / .--. .-.. .- -.-- .-.-.- / -.-. --- -- . / -. --- .-- / .- .-.. . -..- .-.-.-]_

 

the Clarissa that is not Clarissa swings her legs, back and forth. atop a lamp post.

 

"I'm tired." Alex begins, sitting under the lamppost

 

"aren't we all, dear child? but we must keep playing. boundless energy."

 

"not for me."

 

"no...not for you."

 

a pause, Alex tilts her chin to sky, there are no stars anymore. the first time, there were stars. with every reset one of them vanished, until now there are none. she knows. she remembers.

 

"you loved him. Jooooonas~"

 

"don't. I don't. I did, not anymore."

 

"so. who is it? which one? do you want Michael? do you want to love him? or do you want to love Jonas?"

 

there was another pause. Alex stands, the ghosts know every inch of her. so why would they ask. it was foolish, stupid, insane. it made her angry. they had seen her everything. everything she could be, wanted to be, would be, every choice, they knew. 

 

"Clarissa."

 

"excuse you?"

 

"I want Clarissa."

 

they laugh, the overlapping sound of many voices. broken, bitter. it sounds almost like Clarissa but it's not. 

 

“Stop.”

“Why should we?”

“I’m not playing anymore. I’m not remembering. I give up.”

“...so we take you then?”

“Yes. fine. I don’t care. Take me. Take her, take all of us. We’ll vanish. All in one night.”

The Clarissa that isn’t Clarissa smiles but it’s not her smile and it’s broken. 

 

"You're a silly girl"

 

* * *

 

"Alexandra. hmph. it doesn't sound as spunky as Alex."

 

they've got joints. she doesn't remember when or where they got them. 

 

Clarissa looked at her in the way she used to look at Michael. except....maybe she wasn't ever looking at Michael, but just past him. 

"....you....gave yourself...in." Clarissa tries to make conversation again

 

"yep." Alex takes a hit, she doesn't like it, but it's something. 

 

"why?"

 

"because you guys get to live, don't you? this Alex sacrifices herself."

 

"...so you're Alexandra. Michael's one, right?"

 

Clarissa seems too childish for her own good. or, when she was high she was, at least.

 

"shut up."

 

"make me, Alexandra."

 

she turned to glare and find's Clarissa's face inches from her own

 

the outcome was obvious.   _bad decisions warrant bad people, Alex_.

 

they've reminded her. 

 

but all she can feel is static on her skin, the jolts and jumps of morse code gliding inside of her, the suck and soft sound of beach waves, the guttural cries of soldiers, ending, finally, with a nuclear explosion. the Kanaloa's entireity of death and fire and  _boom_ all inside of her. 

 

she looked up at Clarissa's redhaired sweaty face.

 

and suddenly she remembers the pain the ghosts talked off, and feels it. it starts in her eyes, a burning, and then...water. she blinks them away as the pain progresses out from her face, to her chest, all over. 

 

she's  _alone_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. 
> 
> if anyone's confused so far. 
> 
> basically:
> 
> Alex sacrificed herself to the ghosts, and "gave up"
> 
> the first chapter was the outcome of "Alex" the timeline where Alex chose to sacrifice herself and then freed everyone by using thr radio on the ghosts' internally. 
> 
> this chapter was around the other "Alexandra" who sacrificed herself, but selfishly, letting her friends leave, but hanging around within the ghosts and forcing her own misery.


	3. I'd Rather Stand Still, Hold Tightly To The Walls.

"...sometimes....it....it feels so unreal to have you here. and i need to like....count. parts of you. to make sure you're real." 

 

Alex sits outside. She can't stand to be inside for too long anymore. it's stuffy, and sweaty, and crowded. Like the ghosts are. 

 

"yeah?" Clarissa asks, laughter in her voice that doesn't reach her eyes. her eyes are hard, and serious, and listening. 

 

"yeah. like....I need to count myself too. just like....I have ten fingers. and two legs, a head, two eyes, etc. just to...ake sure i'm not gonna-"

 

"Disappear" Clarissa finished for her.

 

"yeah."

 

"so what do you count?"

 

"what do i-" Alex broke off, the colour rising in her cheeks "you bitch."

 

"what? what did i do?" Clarissa smiles. it's not broken. 

 

"you're trying to get me to think...about.... _that_."

 

"and by  _that_ i'm going to assume you mean last night, which, by the way, was awesome."

 

"it  _was_ awesome." Alex agrees. she doesn't admit that for a moment, near the end, she felt like back when she was talking to herself in the mirror on Edwards. like she was communicating with another timeline again. she doesn't admit that for a moment, there was pain. 

 

there's a pause, held by small cotton threads, threatening to break.

 

"....do you...." Alex begins, making Clarissa turn her head, "are we...together...because...i'm like him?"

 

"....you have the same face." Clarissa says simply "but that's not why."

 

"tell me then?"

 

"you...you're like...you enjoy getting me angry. nobody likes seeing me like that. somehow...I know....that you can see my worst...and not run away."

 

"...nobody likes it when people leave."

 

silence. Alex contemplates drifting back into the kitchen, she curls her toes. soft summer air floats around them. sounds of the waves. The doubt lingers in her mind a little, like sea form clinging to the sand. and all too soon, it fades.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay uh
> 
> sorry for my grammar
> 
> it's shit
> 
> i'm well aware. 
> 
> and uh....
> 
> to make things easier
> 
> Alex who escaped is gonna be referred to as Alex from now on
> 
> Alex who is stuck in the timestream is Alexandra. 
> 
> hope this fic actually makes sense  
> please tell me if it doesn't. i wanna fix things.


	4. Promise We Would Only Ever Make Love

"....I didn't think it would be this easy." Alexandra stared through the rip. at herself. her many many selves. so many of them, all different timelines and timestreams and from different moments in time. past. present. future. 

Not-Clarissa stands beside her. "...this is the fourth time this week."

"You-you can't be saying that time doesn't work in here. it's-"

"Shh. Can't take a joke, Alex?"

 

It stings. it shouldn't but it does.

 

"you're all I've got. don't criticize me."

the ghosts flicker in for a moment "but she's not all you've got, Alex. we're all here. ANnA and CaLViN. KaH-na-LO-aH. MAggiE would be proud."

"ugh. Maggie would be even guiltier. rolling in her grave"

"just you like said Alex." she hears her own voice played back "I'm saving everyone!"

 

* * *

 

Alex is the first to see it. the moment the boat hits, back on Edwards Island again. she wasn't supposed to come back. none of them were. Nona and Ren are holding each other again, scared looks on their faces. 

"look" she points at the triangular tear 

Clarissa's eyes widen "Holy-"

 

It's them. It's Alex and Clarissa, standing on the tear. red eyes, lifeless faces. 

 

"can they...shit, Alex can they see us?"

"i-i don't-"

* * *

 

Alex and Alexandra stared at one another across the loops. infinite. whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so. 
> 
> I finally finished my playthrough of the game...
> 
> so, obviously, i'm making a new fic which is a continuation of that...because I just cannot leave my babies alone for more than two seconds. 
> 
> so, uh....yeah this is it:


End file.
